My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Pooping to opera.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
