I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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