I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
