im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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