Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
