I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
