i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
