we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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