dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
