It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You may now shotgun with the bride
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
