That's when you crack a 10am beer
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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