Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
