sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
