Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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