I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
