Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
