All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
