if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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