I'm so fucking centered right now
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
