not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
