Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize