How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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