So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
