The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
