So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
