Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize