At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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