Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So squirting runs in the family.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
