When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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