I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
