So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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