he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
