I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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