I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
