I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
