he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
