if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
