i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
