I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
