I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he shaved USA in his pubs
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
