would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
