"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
