So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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