allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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