You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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