i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
