Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
