I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
