I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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