the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
