JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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