It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize