your thong is hanging out like whoa
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
