Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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