My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
