Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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