You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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