hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
