this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize