So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
