I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
