marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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