If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
