shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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