sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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