he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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