Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We are two peas in an std pod
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize