dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
