he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
