Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
