I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
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