White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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