Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
