now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
