All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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