i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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