to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
