Don't you send me to vm
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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