Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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