just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
